Shattered
by MedusaOfTheSpecies
Summary: Perfection lasts until October 31st, 1981, and then his world crashes to pieces. Or, Sirius Black is a kaleidoscope of issues in his own right.


**A/N:** Written for the Harry Potter Characters in Therapy Challenge (Week one- Abandonment) and for the Ultimate Patronus Quest (F, Frog- 9. Write about Sirius Black)

* * *

He's always known he'd run away when he'd reach seventeen; go to Prongs house, maybe or crash at his cousins Andromeda's place.

That's not the problem. He's just never expected it'd be like this: Regulus silent and stony, eyes pleading for him not to leave and his mother's livid face, screaming at him that he's a disgrace, a shame on the Ancient and Most Noble house of Black.

He's never expected that in between hexing him down the stairs and slamming the door in his face, his mother would scream that she'd be glad to see him gone.

* * *

He goes mad that summer because the Potter's are kind and loving but they smother him. He's trapped between the four walls. There's no place to hid, he's a villain with his cruel tendencies, but he puts on his best smile and helps make dinner.

He's never been happier then when it's time to go to Hogwarts. James stares at him, confused, as he bounces of walls and packs his clothes with an ease he hasn't felt in weeks.

Remus doesn't look at all, just buries his face in a book, and Peter wouldn't know where to look even if he tried.

(He's utterly and completely alone now.)

He goes crazy that year. He puts his hands up Marlene McKinnon's shirt in the abandoned classroom on the third floor and drags shy, quiet, Ravenclaw prefect, Benjy Fenwick, into a broom closet. Their all the same to him, an endless cycle of warm bodies and flings that dull the voices in his head.

He naps through his classes with reckless abandon and races Peter in the hallways past curfew. Lily Evans, Head girl, glances up at him from her charms homework but doesn't say anything. He knows she sees straight through him but he's grateful for her silence.

* * *

In the end, Lily doesn't keep silent for long. He's gone completely insane now and he knows their all worried about him. He's just surprised they chose Lily as the one to confront him.

"Sirius," She says, slipping into the spot beside him on the couch. He raise an eyebrow but doesn't say anything. "We need to talk about this."

He laughs lazily and she glares. "I mean it! You're going to end up dead and we can't lose you too!"

That quiets him. Even being a Black doesn't make you immortal. "I'm not going to die, Evans. I'm just celebrating our final year here. It's not my fault everyone can't find their spirit."

Lily sighs. "We're not stupid. We're all worried about you- with what happened with you and your family."

He glares at her. "They're not my family."

To his surprise, she acquiesces. "Well, then who is?"

He doesn't answer.

Lily looks at him, her gaze heavy. "Sirius, I know how it's like to be alone. My parents are dead, cancer, and Petunia and I…" She trails off. "The point is, you can't go on like this. James, Remus, Peter, that one good cousin of yours- what's her name again?"

"Andromeda." He stated sullenly.

"Yes, her. We're your family, no matter how much blood we share."

As much as he won't admit it, it helps to hear those words. He's spent almost an entire year feeling like it's him against the world and her words are reassuring. He won't admit it though, he's a man not a first-year Hufflepuff girl.

* * *

In the end, they make it work somehow. He works hard for the rest of the year and ends with high enough grades to apply for any ministry job, but turns them all down to join the under-funded auror department. There's a war approaching and he's going to be ready for it when it does come.

He ends up quitting the Aurors, however, a year into it, and join the secret society Dumbledore has created. They all join too: Lily continues to work on her potions and charms research at home, James does as many missions as he can, Remus and Peter do order missions on the side.

Then, two years after they all graduated Hogwarts, James and Lily reveal the surprise of his life. Harry James Potter is the most perfect child he's ever seen and he's the godfather.

Its perfection, the life he's always dreamed of. Soon they'll stop Voldymorts and it'll be absolute bliss.

(Perfection lasts until October 31st, 1981, and then his world crashes to pieces.)


End file.
